dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
