Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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