i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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