Already got asked if we're dating
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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