Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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