I need help removing her.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
