Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
