ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We need to rekindle our bromance
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
