She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
