I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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