Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
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I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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