i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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