Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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