its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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