Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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