you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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