it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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