I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
