Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
