my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I AM VODKA MAN
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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