Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
