I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have already put on my inside pants.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
