I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
