You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
