And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
