At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
