So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize