My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
