Kiss
Puke
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
