Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
