kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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