I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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