That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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