I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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