I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
