I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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