guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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