Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
