just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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