So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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