my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
