two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
