Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
