I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
