hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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