did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
