I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
