Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
