is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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