I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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