i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
