omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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