She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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