dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
