so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sorry my hands just texted you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize