The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
