I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
