Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
