i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
