I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
