It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
