called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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