My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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