I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
