He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
