But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
