OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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