i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
