Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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