tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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