watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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