scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me