sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.