Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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