I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize