Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day

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  (973): yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day http://tfl.nu/9i5e
  Replies (13) Good night (1272) Bad night (2710)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.

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  (817): You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target. http://tfl.nu/enj6
  Replies (15) Good night (1128) Bad night (3794)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.

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  (419): Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name. http://tfl.nu/pkap
  Replies (6) Good night (3707) Bad night (642)
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  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

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  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
  Replies (14) Good night (14241) Bad night (1063)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up

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  (720): I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up http://tfl.nu/nnr4
  Replies (5) Good night (3597) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.

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  (518): I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere. http://tfl.nu/r42x
  Replies (13) Good night (1430) Bad night (4565)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  i wish i coudl send you meat via computure

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  (409): i wish i coudl send you meat via computure http://tfl.nu/wiw5
  Replies (3) Good night (1997) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.

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  (386): I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again. http://tfl.nu/wsfw
  Replies (13) Good night (1913) Bad night (1670)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.

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  (610): Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it. http://tfl.nu/tp8b
  Replies (6) Good night (3988) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.

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  (919): It feels like one of my ribs evaporated. http://tfl.nu/v71y
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.

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  (937): Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams. http://tfl.nu/nyo6
  Replies (10) Good night (1128) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.

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  (817): Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud. http://tfl.nu/pgi9
  Replies (20) Good night (2660) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.

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  (520): Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot. http://tfl.nu/72kv
  Replies (2) Good night (258) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?

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  (805): How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution? http://tfl.nu/e70o
  Replies (5) Good night (498) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.

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  (561): We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely. http://tfl.nu/qpsp
  Replies (1) Good night (531) Bad night (224)

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