I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
