I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
as a side note pls kill me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
