i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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