I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
