omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
