and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
