I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
