My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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