Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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