I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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