I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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