I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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