I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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