just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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