Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
