My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am spending my child support on dildos
he thought i was a dude.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
